How do I have a conversation with my child about:
A diagnostic evaluation/assessment
Medication
A disability/diagnosis
Discussing an evaluation process/procedure in advance can help put your child at ease.
The functional age of your child may determine how much, when, and in what way you discuss an evaluation, procedure, medication, diagnosis, or disability.
Use simple straightforward language.
Discuss any concerns your child might have as a result of the evaluation/appointment. Normalize feeling scared, worried, or confused and that it is okay to express those feelings even for experiences that may not be scary for some children.
Follow your child’s lead about how much he or she wants to talk.
Consider using an established special code word for your child to use to indicate discomfort, pain, or something your child needs you or a provider to know.
Consider creating a visual “wait card” sign that your child can use during an appointment to indicate a need for a pause in conversation. Wait card signs can be personalized with your child’s picture or graphic/character of interest.
Whenever possible, use terms and images suggested by your child as long as they are not denigrating
If your child asks questions, keep your answers short and to the point
If you’re not sure how to answer a question, just say, That’s a very good question. Let’s write it down and ask your doctor/the therapist at our next visit
For some children, similes work best. For example, ADHD is like if your pause button only works some of the time.
For some children, using play, toys, drawings, or books can help guide a conversation and express feelings
Be careful not to let your own anxiety propel you to provide too much reassurance or express too much concern.
Explain the changes they can expect. (Side effects, change in routine, etc..). When you explain changes, it sends a message that you are aware, attentive, and can be trusted to handle this with them.
Keep check-ins brief following an evaluation, procedure, introduction of medication
Use positive language. Consider using the words “help” instead of “can’t”. For example, “hearing aids help you hear.”
Older kids are usually aware of what’s hard for them and why they’re being evaluated, especially if you’ve had ongoing conversations about it.
When applicable, be factual and descriptive. We can name specific types of disabilities and medical conditions or use general terms such as disability or disabled.
The most essential guideline for disability language is to use whatever words each individual disabled person prefers. Don’t use the terms “handicapped,” “differently-abled,” or “special needs”
During appointments make a point to turn to your child and address your child directly. Model talking to your child rather than talking about your child. “The Doctor wants to know how you describe ___________. What are your thoughts on that?”
Depending on the circumstance and respect for privacy, consider who needs to be told about your child’s evaluation, disability, or medication. Who is involved in your child’s system of support? What information do they need to know? How can you facilitate communication among providers or disseminate information to providers?
Customize these Examples
“You know how sometimes it’s hard to ____________(focus, pay attention, stay calm, etc)? Use whatever words—or describe whatever situation—you think will be mostly meaningful to your child.
“It is a way for us to come up with a plan that will support you in your ________(learning/growing/day to day needs).”
“Sometimes behavior/intense feelings isn’t a choice. It’s a reaction to what your brain is telling you.”
“Doctors have medicines for all kinds of things to help people.”
“Hey, since you’ve been taking the medicine/going to therapy, do you notice anything different? Do you think it’s helping? Anything you don’t like about it?”
“We are all different in some way and that we all do things every day to adjust to our unique circumstances.”
“What are some ways in which we are similar?”
“The assessment/evaluation isn’t really a test but a series of activities. Some of them could be fun. You won’t get a grade and can’t fail—even if you don’t know the answers to some of the questions or how to do an activity. Try your best because the evaluation will help us understand how ________ (you learn best or how your brain and body work). We might even find out if you’ll get to work with other teachers or specialists who are trained to help kids with specific things.”
“What plan can we come up with together about ________(how to ask for help, how to take medication, how to prepare for the appointment etc)?”